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Posted by on 1997 Apr 21 |

Badger Badgers Shard

(Shard, Illithi: 19 Skullcleaver 350)

A busty serving wench leans across the bar towards you.

‘Aye, this here’s a nice enough Tavern. Compared to some places I’ve worked in, it’s a right paradise! My last job was at Liani’s Haven, down in Shard ways? Bad enough that them bards’re always hangin’ out in back, makin’ lotsa noise, leaving lousy tips. Always thought they were the wildest bunch we’d ever get in, but, no, I was wrong.

‘Nice fall day, right? My shift just started. I’m fetchin’ a few rums for our bardish friends, when I feels this furrt thing dartin’ past me feet! I look down, and there’s a badger a-runnin through the taproom! Now, we’ve had animals in there before. Mages like their pets, and I don’t wanna tell someone who can summon fire & lightning that his gerbil has to stay outside, ye ken me? Likewise, we’ve had some rangers bring their ‘coons in before. Usually they don’t leave a mess, and their masters are always with ’em, so no harm. But this here, this badger was on it’s own! we’re talkin about a wild animal in a drinkin’ establishment! I never hearda the like.

‘So, this ‘ere badger, he scurries off over to the bard leaders private table, and through the door right into the bards private room. Well, apparently nona them bards’ve ever seen a wild animal before, ’cause they’re all cooin an’ moanin’ and sayin’ how cute it was. Then, bein’ bards, they actually tried to give it liquor. I mean, really. As if the world needs a drunken badger. So, it sticks around a bit, they’re actually tring to _talk_ to it. (They musta been pretty deep in their cups.) It eats a tart, then heads out.

‘Well, them bards really must not ever have seen a wild animal, ’cause they tear off the street after it. It stops outside the southern gate of the great tower, where a big crowd gathers around it. I mean, what is with these people? It’s a badger. They’re actin as if it were a street performer or somethin’. Well, after a few minutes of several dozen people trying to hug, cuddle, kiss, fondle, and mess with the badger in a hunderd different ways, it gets sick of all the attention, and tries to dig a hole outa there. ‘Course, it was in the middle of Shard, so that went nowhere fast. Finally, the poor thing just runs off south. I guess it musta left the city, ’cause no-one saw it after that.

‘Well, after all that, I handed in my resignation, let me tell yer. I’m not workin’ in a place where any kinda animal can just run in and bother the patrons. Naw, this place is a whole lot better, especially since Cook found a better use for those rats…just jokin’, dearie, not ta worry. Can I refresh your drink?’